If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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