Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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