I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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