Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
barbara walters just said penis...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
