I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
