his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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