I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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