I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
