thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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