At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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