You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
