Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
