distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
