I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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