Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
