i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
