just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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