i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
