she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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