Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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