it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize