remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Panties = found
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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