So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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