Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
