i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
