I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
