Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
