yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize