yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
