Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
