No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
