I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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