I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
