dude i'm inner monologue high
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
