i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
