end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
