Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
