I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
