You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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