This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
