I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
