You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize