So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
