it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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