I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize