i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
