Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
