if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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