Got a toothbrush?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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