I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
