I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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