he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
