: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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