My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
