No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
