You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
