This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
