My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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