i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
