So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
