If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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