hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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