I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
