why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
