woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
